Problem: A thoughtless person gifted (yuppie for “gave”) you a Chic-fil-a gift card. You really, really want the free lunch, but your friends might see you enter that tabernacle of intolerance.*

Solution: Borrow a buddy’s Antifa mask. On the way back to Mom’s basement, you can toss a brick through the bookstore window (they have c-c-conservative books in the back; I’ve seen them), maybe kick over a capitalist newspaper dispenser or two.

*The owners believe in traditional marriage, but they (get this) will hire those who disagree. W.T.F.!

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