“I don’t want to hear that you buy bottled water!”, she kvetched, putting her hands to her ears (Swear to God). I then expected her to hold her breath and stamp her feet, but she followed with, “Haven’t you heard of Brita?”. Lessee. I drink spring water, which has minerals Brits cannon add to city water. Oh, and I recycle the bottles and every glass, steel, and aluminum container I use. Bitch is bothered by bottles, but throws every damn thing inna trash. I’d offer to compare carbon footprints with her, but then I’d sound like Al Private Jet/Five-House Gore. P.S.: Don’t nobody got laid that night.

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