When running against Governor Bill Clinton for the Presidency of the United States, Senator Bob Dole always clutched a pen in his hand to keep his arm from twitching. Turns out, Mr. Dole sustained nerve and muscle damage from injuries he received during something called World War II (college “students”: look it up) when he risked his life to (Aw, did the F*NYT and the Clinton News Network forget to tell you that, too?)
You knew we were done as a first-rate Nation when we began ignoring our heroes and started listening, actually listening to people who pretend to be M.A.S.H. doctors, people who pretend to be deer hunters, people who pretend to be sword-fish boat captains, and people who pretend to be people, as do the insects that infest Hollywood. What’s next? Shall we turn to singers suited up as single-sawbuck street sluts for advice on geopolitical affairs… Oops, ! We already do.
HINT: ‘Steada supporting some new-money white trash movie “star” (translation: stained some sheets with Stein #ME TOO TOOK THE MONEY) or a new-money black trash singer (slept with Snoop #ME TOO JERKED THE JACK) or spending serious simoleons on a season pass just to watch some new-money spoiled sportsmillionaires sit out our National Anthem, why not touch up an outfit that helps the military veterans who lost arms and legs on the battlefield while defending your right to be such an asshole? Among the very best is The Nine Line Foundation.
“By primarily focusing efforts on one individual at a time, Nine Line Foundation is able to do more with less. However, when the need arises, we are capable of mobilizing and assisting in more than one project at a time – simply put, we answer the Nine Line. We are thrilled to take on the newest venture of our organization – constructing a transitional community for homeless veterans, a Veterans Village, which will provide training and housing to our veterans in most desperate need.
With zero overhead, 100% of all dollars collected are directed to the candidates’ personalized needs, relying on volunteers to ensure the mission is accomplished. As veterans themselves, the Nine Line Foundation team feels a lifelong commitment to support their brothers and sisters injured in combat. We would like to build greater awareness of Nine Line Foundation in the hope that one day we will have enough funding to help every soldier on our list.”
This organization is one of the finest I’ve ever found, and I’m proud to be a sponsor!
ps: If someone calls you representing any worthy cause (cops, firemen, vets, etc.), hang up. Even if it’s legit, half the money goes to the professional phone solicitor. Make your donations directly. In the case of the The Nine Line Foundation, Staff members are all volunteers. Office space and accouterments are provided by the firm that manufactures the clothing. Compare this to any other altruistic organization on the planet!