Woman: a being, some say sentient, who buys shirts with cuttons in the back*, sacrifices the vision of one eye for a hairstyle**, hangs shiny objects from her rear-view mirror***, and hits stationary objects because she “never drove that car before”****.

*Swear to God.

**You think I am making this up, don’t you?

***Aw, to be blinded by glare you’d have to look at it.

****It had no fuzzy thing on the steering wheel.

NOTE: No man ever bought size 7 shoes for his size 8 feet.

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