GILLIBRAND GLOSSARY

Women: A being, some say sentient, who overfills the garbage bag and acts astounded when you must remove some of the trash to tie it closed. This comes easy for her; she is, after all, capable of pretending to not know what partial-birth abortion entails. Onna plus side, she will always (sorry) leave you one (1) sheet of toilet paper. What a pal.

Note: By now, of course, you’ve switched to draw-string bags, which cost more but can be secured when overfilled. Have a heart and cut the loops: the animals at the dump are miserable enough without being lassoed by laziness and strangled by stupidity.

Speaking of stupidity: Att ladies and near-girls: keep buying Yoplait yogurt in those cutesy backyard containers that were designed just for you, then go “Aww, poor thing” each ad every thing you see footage of baby skunks, squirrels, opossums, raccoons, etc. with their heads stuck in them, slowly suffocating to death. Damn dumbasses.

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