As a mindless sop to the know-nothing products of three generations of know-nothing stoner ex-hippie parents and NEA (union, no competency testing) teachers, pet food firms now feature ingredients that provide a balanced diet for…humans. They picture it on the bag: lotsa green & orange stuff. Well, “my truth” (sorry) is that my cow dog is a pretty mellow bitch, but if you hand her a carrot she will bite you.

Even pre-pansy dry food was inadequate. Sure, it had lotsa bone meal and dried chicken guts, but dogs are carnivorous; they need meat. (Waa? Not my dog. I’m a vegan, and I voted for Hillary, and…and I recycle. My Pookie can’t be a…c…c…carnivore.”) HOT TIP: Look at Pookie’s teeth. Then show me a wolf that picks berries and roots for turnips. Dumbass.

I cut my fearless friend down to ½ a cuppa dry food (ain’t no spinach & seaweed on the label) and replaced the rest with all meat Alpo. Took 2 years off’n the dog, easy. She now runs when she used to hobble, is more alert, plays, and once again bounds up the steps. “Beneful”, my ass.

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