BACHELOR TIP TWO: PEELING GARLIC (SO, “KNIFE” MEANS CHEF’S KNIFE?)

First, gift (yuppie for “give”) the Cuisinart to the nearest* yuppie (he’ll offer $2 for a $200 machine and ask for a payment schedule: just give it to him). A knife has handled anything that needs to be done to food for 10,000 years. Lay the flat of the knife on the clove and whap it down. With the other hand, missy. Partly crushed, the skin’ll come right off. Do-dah.

*NY: the co-op next door

SF: the refrigerator box next to your tent**

RI: across the table

MA: the mirror

**We jest. Successful San Francisco yuppies live in their Beemers. Ask your mom for a down-payment and you, too, vacate the cellar.

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