The old man goin’ fishin’ ‘stead friskin’ ya? Watchin’ foot ball but won’t give ya a foot rub? Bookin’ the spread ‘steada spreadin’ your book? Look to your fragrance. If he wanted to smell that flowery shit you’re wearin’, he’d go to a viewing. This …
Read MoreTEENS DON’T GET ROOMS
I am old enough to remember when safe sex meant parking where the po-lice wouldn’t find ya.
Read MoreBRAVE NEW BIOLOGY
The Boy Scouts of America got an annual contribution and were in my will. Now that they are the Boy/Girl/Undecided Scouts: nope. Q: When can a teen transvestite join the Girl Scouts? A: Any time it wants to. (politically correct answer: any time they* want …
Read MoreCALL ME MR. TIBBS DEMOCRAT
They cave open borders, unfettered immigration from terrorist states (more Omars?), and no ICE. They revel in every American fault and refuse to acknowledge any American virtues. They hate half the Country (deplorables) and resist the will of the people when it fails to agree …
Read MoreFUNDALMENTALISM MEETS JUDGEMENTALISM
The nuns took entire classes to the theater to protest because the name sounded disrespectful. Then someone on staff snuck out and saw the thing. A year later, Jesus Christ Superstar was the subject of parochial school plays across the Country. Amen. Note: In the …
Read MoreTHINK
Cut anything that has a loop before throwing it out so it doesn’t end up around and animal’s neck at the landfill. Dump dwellers’ lives are miserable enough, second only to those in sanctuary cities. If you toss fishing line or nets without cutting them …
Read MorePRIORITIES
Dwight D. Eisenhower was visiting his Gettysburg farm. His aides gasped when a spirited colt slipped his halter and began frolicking on a newly-installed putting green. Finally someone spoke. “Isn’t that a wonderful sight”, said the President.
Read MoreSCOUTMASTER
Gays never use positions of authority to get over on kids. Ask any coach, sports doctor, or priest.
Read MorePROVERBS 12:10 (AGAIN)
If you feed a bit later in summer when it’s a little cooler, remember to adjust this forward in fall as the days get shorter. Bad shit happens when domestic animals are fed late. Glossary: sand colic: Southern for, “My horse is trying to stay …
Read MoreMAINTENANCE PERSON
Unscrew* the kitchen faucet aerator. Put a large pot inna sink to reduce splashing. Open both valves fully for 10 seconds. Look at what’s in the pot. Reverse the process after backwashing the aerator. Note: Do this quarterly and you won’t be boiling your pasta …
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