Phil Berto

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Author: Brandy

FINALLY, FISCAL RESPONSIBILITY FROM A DEMOCRAT

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Leave a Comment on FINALLY, FISCAL RESPONSIBILITY FROM A DEMOCRATApril 11, 2020 By Brandy

ALBERTA GOREWELL

Commercial dishwashers run for one (1) minute ‘cause Pepe’ ain’t afraid to rinse. Yuppie broad’s machine takes an hour ‘counta a quick rinse is beyond her. P.S.: Whining about my racegas “carbon footprint” isn’t.

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Leave a Comment on ALBERTA GOREWELLNovember 12, 2019April 11, 2020 By Brandy

CRIMINALS

Packaging “engineers” should not be taken out and shot. Dog breeders should be taken out and shot. Packaging “engineers” should be taken out and hanged. On their own devices. Plastic 6-pack rings have four (4) different size holes, the better to trap turtles with. (Not …

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Leave a Comment on CRIMINALSNovember 12, 2019April 11, 2020 By Brandy

NOT FOOD

I feared my body was getting low on its Monosodium Glutamate level, so I got a packet of Hidden Valley ranch dressing. Turns out, MSG is the fourth (4th) most prolific sclerotic in this chemical concoction. Hot Tip: chop some herbs to flavor sour cream, …

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Leave a Comment on NOT FOODNovember 12, 2019April 11, 2020 By Brandy

EQUIPMENT

A gun is like a raincoat in that if you bring it and then don’t need it, that is a Good Thing. If you need it but didn’t bring it, now, don’t YOU feel like an asshole. Q: What’s a perp say to a yuppie …

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Leave a Comment on EQUIPMENTNovember 12, 2019April 11, 2020 By Brandy

MEDICATION CHIC MEETS COW DOG

Can’t avoid meeting that pinch-faced yuppie down the block. She’s gonna say, “This is a pure-bred Gran Dolor en el Culo; what is that?”. I’ll be able to announce, “That is a Doggus Bovinus bitch, and she’s on Prozak”. On second thought, I’m gonna say, …

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Leave a Comment on MEDICATION CHIC MEETS COW DOGNovember 12, 2019April 11, 2020 By Brandy

THEN HUG A TREE

Dumped a quart of milk? Reach for the Bounty. Slaves r-r-rinsing out a rag (The horror!).

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Leave a Comment on THEN HUG A TREENovember 12, 2019April 11, 2020 By Brandy

YOU CAN RUN WITH A WEEDEATER

They’re up before dawn, and they notice everything. I’m thinking: “Farmers and hunters. Cool”. Turns out, they’re a-stir ‘counta they’re jonesing, alert ‘cause they’re looking for something to steal, Do-dah.

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Leave a Comment on YOU CAN RUN WITH A WEEDEATERNovember 12, 2019April 11, 2020 By Brandy

LEADERSHIP: THE BEST POLITICIANS MAKE THE BEST…POLITICIANS

He wanted to be different, and he was. Polulist Jimmy Carter walked his inaugural parade. (Classy, long-suffering Roz wore low heels. Still, halfway through their tarmac trek, the Lady was over it.) Having no false hopes of draining the D.C. swamp, President-elect Carter decided to …

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Leave a Comment on LEADERSHIP: THE BEST POLITICIANS MAKE THE BEST…POLITICIANSNovember 12, 2019April 11, 2020 By Brandy

SMALL TOWN

You screwed up Q: How many days before the whole town’s talkin’ about it? A: Five minutes.

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Leave a Comment on SMALL TOWNNovember 12, 2019April 11, 2020 By Brandy

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