Commercial dishwashers run for one (1) minute ‘cause Pepe’ ain’t afraid to rinse. Yuppie broad’s machine takes an hour ‘counta a quick rinse is beyond her. P.S.: Whining about my racegas “carbon footprint” isn’t.
Read MoreCRIMINALS
Packaging “engineers” should not be taken out and shot. Dog breeders should be taken out and shot. Packaging “engineers” should be taken out and hanged. On their own devices. Plastic 6-pack rings have four (4) different size holes, the better to trap turtles with. (Not …
Read MoreNOT FOOD
I feared my body was getting low on its Monosodium Glutamate level, so I got a packet of Hidden Valley ranch dressing. Turns out, MSG is the fourth (4th) most prolific sclerotic in this chemical concoction. Hot Tip: chop some herbs to flavor sour cream, …
Read MoreEQUIPMENT
A gun is like a raincoat in that if you bring it and then don’t need it, that is a Good Thing. If you need it but didn’t bring it, now, don’t YOU feel like an asshole. Q: What’s a perp say to a yuppie …
Read MoreMEDICATION CHIC MEETS COW DOG
Can’t avoid meeting that pinch-faced yuppie down the block. She’s gonna say, “This is a pure-bred Gran Dolor en el Culo; what is that?”. I’ll be able to announce, “That is a Doggus Bovinus bitch, and she’s on Prozak”. On second thought, I’m gonna say, …
Read MoreTHEN HUG A TREE
Dumped a quart of milk? Reach for the Bounty. Slaves r-r-rinsing out a rag (The horror!).
Read MoreYOU CAN RUN WITH A WEEDEATER
They’re up before dawn, and they notice everything. I’m thinking: “Farmers and hunters. Cool”. Turns out, they’re a-stir ‘counta they’re jonesing, alert ‘cause they’re looking for something to steal, Do-dah.
Read MoreLEADERSHIP: THE BEST POLITICIANS MAKE THE BEST…POLITICIANS
He wanted to be different, and he was. Polulist Jimmy Carter walked his inaugural parade. (Classy, long-suffering Roz wore low heels. Still, halfway through their tarmac trek, the Lady was over it.) Having no false hopes of draining the D.C. swamp, President-elect Carter decided to …
Read MoreSMALL TOWN
You screwed up Q: How many days before the whole town’s talkin’ about it? A: Five minutes.
Read MoreLOOKIN’ FOR LOGIC
The first time I encountered a bra which hooked in the front I wondered why I didn’t. then I realized that they are worn by beings whose blouses button in the back. Hey Moe! We need more female engineers. Yea, that’s it!
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